The Mermaid Nun- keeping the promise

So the man I like, it turns out, likes me back :)

We can talk and share and debate and chat and discuss and express ourselves and listen and teach and learn and challenge and perplex and encourage and motivate and inspire and TONIGHT I just turned him away.

heartbreaking: at my door, "Kiki, why are you doing this?"

After one month of knowing each other and spending time together and discussing and cooking and eating and watching and reading and viewing amazing feats of human effort it is open now that he likes me back as much as I like him.

He doesn't want to stop seeing me- I don't want to stop seeing him.

Why Am I Doing This?

It is precisely because I want to see him, that I can't. It is because I feel so good with him that I shouldn't/ It is because I could spend so much time with him, that I won't.

I want to.
I would like to.

I won't.

It is one thing to start your celibate journey with no contenders insight. It is quite another have an object of affection and to not be affectionate.

Did I actually just call him an object? Maybe he is an figure of my imagination but I like him. I like his company. I like how I feel around him. I know he is a good man.

  It's a challenge but what I undertook at the start of this year here is to challenge myself. Already I have felt better for all the loneliness I have felt.

If we have more to teach each other, we will not be able to be kept apart, no matter time or space.
What's scarier than any crazy meaningless fling with someone who doesn't even like you is giving your faith and trust that a person who likes you and values you is going to be able to live up to what you know you deserve.

Just because someone is not bad to you doesn't mean they are good to you.
Just because someone is good to you doesn't mean they deserve you.
This is a MINIMUM that should be EXPECTED and you can not accept anything less. Understand?
Just because you could be with someone doesn't mean that you should be.

I'm not broken or damaged, I am whole and complete and powerful. I don't need saving, no one is going to save you but yourself. I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.



I used to just accept I was broken and trouble: for my past, my childhood, my experiences. De hecho, none of those things matter and have completely NO power to manifest anything in your life unless you so chose- so I guess I had just been choosing so. Falling for the SAME person over and over again, looking for people to reject me and giving them all my unrequited love.

Nothing is complicated, there's no drama. Stop thriving on drama. Stop needing it to be/stay interested

If you love two people at the same time you don't love either one enough.

I will stop talking about it. I have stopped thinking about it. I am just being cool with it.

I think there is truth in the fact that women are crazy. I don't know what conditioning it is, but when a good boy walks in to their life they just can't accept it. They just can't be treated how they deserve to be treated. Women are not complicated but it is true we are crazy. We claim to want one thing, but reject every opportunity to have it and instead what we really want is not JUST an equal partner to share our lives and care for us and cuddle us; we want this in the form of a fiercely protective jealous hunter gatherer protecter provider masculine archetypal sexy brave strong defender to be a kind sensitive caring equal partner to share our lives and care for us and cuddle us.